Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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