hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
