so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
