READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
