i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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