My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
