Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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