yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
