we have pet lesbian snakes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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