My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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