I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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