My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We need to get me chipped asap
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
