So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You surviving the open bar?
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Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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