i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
