I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
NoShamevember. You game?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
