i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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