please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
