Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
