69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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