i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
