your room smells of hookers.
And success
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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