Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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