Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
