I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
