Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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