if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
