That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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