dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think your dad took our porno
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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