Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
