i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
