recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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