The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
