First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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