I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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