i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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