I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
