I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
