i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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