woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
