and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
pray to the hookup gods
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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