I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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