I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
