I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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