He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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