wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize