i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
