bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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