guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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