Don't make out with my wife yet
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize