oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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