Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
