how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize