Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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