He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
