we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
