He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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