I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
