Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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