Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
