haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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