Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
