the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
