I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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