I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
