Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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