I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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