woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
