I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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