i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
